Of Werewolves and Wizards
by Goldenseal
Summary: Remus didn't think a werewolf would be allowed to go to Hogwarts. Albus just saw a scared little boy. Or the five time Remus Lupin trusted Albus Dumbledore and the one time it all came crashing down. NO SLASH. Rated T for language and some dark themes.


**1**

He's eleven years old and terrified. His parents move around the small kitchen amiably, as if nothing were wrong but he know there is and

 _I won't be able to go. They're not going to let me go of course not-_

The room is tense and the mood bristling, threatening to overflow. His father looks up from the book he was reading, his eyes meet with his sons for a second and something passes between them but Remus is not sure what it is when his father's gaze flickers back down to the page. He hasn't turned a page in fifteen minutes of staring and Remus knows his father is anything but a slow reader.

The house had gotten less and less comfortable and lively as September approached and Remus knows his parents would never say it and he knows his mom and dad love him but he can't help but hate himself because he knows it's _his_ fault no-ones talking and it is _his_ letter that hasn't arrived.

He never really expected it to.

Suddenly there's a knock on the door and both his parents jump to the door as if shocked into moving. There is never guests to the house not when Remus is around and he can't help but feel guilty again because he cannot remember a time when the little house was full of guests and smiles and his parents had friends and _he_ had friends and there he goes again because it is all _his fault_ and _his problem._

There's a man at the door, with long gray hair and a beard and the weirdest pair of glasses Remus had ever seen and he's thinking if those are really practical and _can you really see with half a spectacle if they're pushed down to your nose?_

His parents seem to know who he is but they are shouting and pushing him away-

"Sorry sir you must have the wrong address-"

"Our boy really is unwell"

The man looks over to Remus, who is still hasn't moved from his spot at the kitchen table. He tenses, but the man simply smiles at him before Remus' father steps in between them and blocks his view.

"I know about your son's condition" is one of the first things the stranger says and Remus would almost wonder if the man meant to skip all the pleasantries and "hellos" that are supposed to happen when you enter someone's home but all his thoughts are suddenly consumed with

 _He knows. He knows, he knows, what is he doing here-_

And his parents are talking and he hears them mention a school and a man named Greyback but all he can hear is his own thoughts echoing in his head because _this man knows what he is_

But suddenly it is replaced with a new feeling, not unlike fear in the way it takes hold of his body and chokes his words away from him but he is _excited_ and _surprised_ and so much more but he can't even put a name to the experience because he is still terrified but this man, this _Albus Dumbledore_ is giving him a chance.

He's going to Hogwarts

 **2**

Albus Dumbledore helps him. Remus gets caught up in the excitement of Hogwarts and all the people.

 _Never been around so many kids his own age. Magic, learning and feasts of pumpkin juice and pastries. People smiling and laughing under the light of thousands of candles, and maybe these boys will be his friends?_

He almost forgets the full moon. Almost.

He's trembling and scared, it's easy for the pale boy to mumble an excuse-

"Not feeling well. I'll go see the nurse."

He's out the door before any of his dorm mates can protest. He may very well throw up.

Professor Dumbledore puts a hand on his shoulder and explains to him, quite clearly and precisely, what will happen. There's a house and a willow tree and something else that Remus doesn't even remember because he's taking the minute to calm himself and stop being so weak. He's doesn't feel alone anymore but soon-

 _There's much terror and shrieks of pain in the shack the villagers fear a phantom had arisen_

 **3**

Albus Dumbledore is kind to him. He's the first person outside of his family to know of his Lycanthropy and accept him.

 _Later there's James and Sirius and Peter and_ so _more but now he's young and alone and scared and_

Professor Dumbledore always asks him before doing anything. He asks Remus when he decides to tell another teacher of his infliction, he asks him what he's comfortable with, what hurts and how he could help in anyway.

He _doesn't_ ask how it feels to transform. (Pain and chaos and broken bones) Dumbledore doesn't press him or poke and prod for discovery.

Remus is glad because he knows if Dumbledore did ask he wouldn't be able to keep it all from spilling out.

 **4**

He's fifteen and full of dread. He doesn't know why but when he woke up the morning after the full moon feeling groggy and awful he could feel something more was wrong.

 _Something about Snape and James and Sirius…Sirius! What had…?_

His eyes open slowly and he winces at the bright light of the hospital wing. Upon seeing him wake, Madam Pomfrey rushes over.

"Slowly dear you're a bit scuffed up. Slowly I said!"

His mind is still foggy but he lets her firm hand press him back on the covers.

"What happened?" He asks, unable to recall the night before but filled with a sense of _wrongness,_ "Did I…?

She knows what he is asking without needing to hear the rest, he's asked this before, but something in her expression makes him fear the answer may be different this time.

"You can hear the full story from the headmaster when you are fully healed" She commands, her voice without any trace of leniency. Remus' fear only increases.

 _Does that mean? Who did? What, I-_

Madam Pomfrey expression softens, just a little and he knows she can tell exactly what he's thinking

"Just an awful prank, no-one was seriously injured and the perpetrators and being punished now. Profesor Dumbledore stopped it before anything happened. Now, I insist you get some _rest!_ "

Remus relaxes, if only slightly, because it was Dumbledore. He was able to fix everything and had trusted him. He had let Remus come to Hogwarts, he had helped him through every full moon.

He never realized how much he had relied on Dumbledore's trust and kindness and he wonders for a brief moment, if he had betrayed his trust last night, if what he had done was ever forgivable, but Madam Pomfrey presses a potion into his hand and its awful and foul smelling but suddenly he can't help but grow sleepy. His last scattered thoughts are of his friends, Sirius and Peter and James and of Dumbledore and he knows that someway, somehow, it was going to be okay, beacause _Dumbledore_ was going to fix it.

When he wakes up, Albus Dumbledore is sitting at his bedside while his best friends wait in the Gryffindor dormitory with apprehension.

 **5**

He's in his twenties but already given up

He moves around a lot, never quite settles in one place, nothing really feels like home anymore. His father offers him somewhere to stay but-

 _I could never burden him, his life is peaceful without all this chaos, without_ me.

He's in a small cottage in Yorkshire very much alone as he's been for years now when he hears a small knock on the door.

And, just like so many years ago, in a different house and a different time, Albus Dumbledore sweeps his way across the doorway and back into Remus' life. There's tea shared and a bit of talk but not much because Remus knows Albus is not one to walk in without a reason.

Right before the pauses in conversation get to long his true purpose for coming is revealed. And a job is offered.

Remus takes a sip from his mug to refrain from answering.

 _He's seventeen and there's an arm slung over his shoulder. He's smiling but he doesn't know why. He feels elated, like he was just laughing hard yet he can't remember the joke._

 _"So what are you gonna do when you're all wrinkly and old, Moony?"_

 _"I dunno…could come back here to teach I suppose?"_

 _"Ah, I can see it now, Professor Lupin. No, Professor Loony!"_

The tea is bland and dusty on his tongue, he glances over at Dumbledore, wonders if the aging professor realized his tea is shit.

Albus simply waits, a funny sort of half smile ever present on his lips.

 _"Would you write a book Remus?"_

 _"Huh?"_

 _He's seventeen and he wonders if dreams are ever fulfilled._

 _"If you were an old professor, would you write a book?"_

 _"Maybe. What would my story be?"_

He's an adult now and given up on most of his dreams but he needs that Wolfsbane potion and Dumbledore knows it.

He closes his eyes, leans back slightly in his chair and pictures a happier time when his friends were alive and together, believing no-one could tear them apart.

Remus takes the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts, as far as the rumors go, he'll only have to stay a year anyways.

 **+1**

The year is over and he's angry. Angry like he's never been before. He's so angry that he no longer thinks rationally just knows that he is furious and there is someone he can blame. He is angry because it's easier than everything else he feels, he is hurting and lost and just doesn't know how to deal. He's feeling guilty again, all his life he felt sorry for himself while he should have been feeling sorry for everyone else because it was _always his fault. Always his fault._

 _I should have known, I should have cared, I should have_ listened.

But it's too late, it's all too late and he's finally found someone to blame besides himself.

He enters the headmaster's office with a bang of the door and something might have broken but he can't bring himself to care and now he's shouting.

"I TRUSTED YOU!" He yells, _and it hurts, it hurts so much._ There might be tears in his eyes but he cannot tell because all he is feeling is rage.

"I knew he was innocent, I knew he would never betray James, he was his _best friend_! But they were dead and all the evidence pointed to him and you told me Sirius was guilty."

"We were _mourning,_ we had no time to think, no time to find the truth!"

Albus Dumbledore sits at his desk calmly without responding to Remus' shouts. Through his half-moon glasses his eyes are sad and understanding. Maybe if Remus was levelheaded he would stop to think that maybe Albus was hurting too. But it doesn't show on the older man's face and Remus can't tell what he's really thinking, no-one really does because this was a man of so many deceptions and _secrets_ and he's realizing this now.

"I let him rot in Azkaban for thirteen years!"

Albus lets him rant, lets himself be blamed for it all and Remus can't feel much more anger because it is _just like him_ to be so calm and understanding and as much as he tries the lifetime of trust he has between this man cannot be broken by one string, no matter how horrible it is.

But it's not just one event is it?

 _He's seventeen and content._

 _"So what about you Padfoot? What are you doing when we bust out of here?"_

 _"I want to go see the world."_

His story is a tragedy.

Remus turns quietly and walks out, ignoring any consoling words from a man he no longer wishes to hear from.

It's a goddamn tragedy.

 **A/N- Criticism encouraged.**


End file.
